I struggle with people not doing things the right way. My way. Whether it was something as simple as how a family dinner got planned, or something far more serious like a decision that affected someone’s entire future, I would tie myself in knots if things did not go the way I thought they should.
Golf taught me something about this, of all things.
I play with a close group of friends and I have watched them nudge a ball into a better line, shave a stroke off their scorecard, or conveniently forget a penalty. My first instinct used to be a quiet, burning judgment. I would notice everything and say nothing, but inside I was keeping score in more ways than one.
Then one day, standing on a fairway watching a friend casually kick his ball out of the rough, a thought stopped me cold. Haven’t I done that too?
Not always on a golf course. But somewhere. In some way. More times than I would like to admit.
I had a similar moment recently during an online meeting I attend. The host was steering things in a direction that felt a little too controlled, a little too much about their own voice. I caught myself mentally flipping through all the reasons why that was wrong. I even rehearsed what I might say. Something gentle but pointed, about how these gatherings are meant to work, what the principles behind them actually say about leadership and ego and service.
I said nothing.
Because honestly, who am I to walk into someone else’s moment and start correcting them? I have stood in front of people and taken up more space than I should have. I have made things about myself when they were supposed to be about something bigger. I am quite sure I still do it without noticing.
That question again. Haven’t I done that too?
Family situations are harder than any of this, of course. When decisions get made that I disagree with, when I am not consulted, when things unfold in ways I would never have chosen, the urge to correct and control can feel very loud. I have learned to sit with that discomfort instead of acting on it.
Because the truth is, I have not always been the most honest player in the room either. In life, I mean. I have made choices I would not want others judging me for.
So when something does not go my way now, I try to take a breath and just let it be.
That’s alright. I am working on meaning it.